Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Melbourne: Day One
Soundtrack: ‘Everything Must Go’ by Manic Street Preachers (it’s the album with ‘Australia’ on it)
I was picked up from the airport by my cousins Selina and Andy, and I’m staying in their house, along with Andy’s girlfriend Stephanie and their random housemate Derek. The house is very cold. Melbourne is deceivingly cold – as Stephanie said to me today (complaining), it feels as if you can experience four seasons in one day here in Melbourne.
The first thing that I noticed on the car journey to the house is that there are far more roads signs over here. Things that we take for granted back home have to be made a little more obvious over here. For example, on an entrance onto the freeway, there’s a sign saying “WRONG WAY! TURN BACK!” for anybody who tries to use it as an exit. My favourite was a drink-driving billboard. Accompanying a picture of a woman being breathalised is the caption: “A LITTLE BIT EMBARRASSING? A little bit over the limit? You bloody idiot.” Selina and Andy had to do a spot of shopping before we went home because it’s a proper student house where there’s no food but lots of tea, and next to the supermarket was a fast food joint called Hungry Jack’s. Andy explained to me that it was exactly the same as Burger King, same logo, same menu (they still have Whoppers), but it’s just that Australians compulsively have to be different.
They compulsively have to be different from one another as well. You have to have a different driving license for each state. Each state has a different license plate, so that they all try to outdo one another. If you kill somebody in one state, you can run away to another one and get away with it. Victoria itself is pretty bad, and it claims to have the biggest of a lot of things in the Southern Hemisphere. It says that it has the biggest casino in the Southern Hemisphere in the Crown complex, and the biggest university campus, in the Clayton Campus of Monash Uni (where Selina is at). They’re also building the tallest apartment block in the world here. It’s going to be 88 stories high. Apparently nobody here wants to live in apartments, though, because they all love their pools and barbies too much. The existing apartment blocks in this city are only half-full, so I don’t know what’s going to happen when this huge one is done.
I was picked up from the airport by my cousins Selina and Andy, and I’m staying in their house, along with Andy’s girlfriend Stephanie and their random housemate Derek. The house is very cold. Melbourne is deceivingly cold – as Stephanie said to me today (complaining), it feels as if you can experience four seasons in one day here in Melbourne.
The first thing that I noticed on the car journey to the house is that there are far more roads signs over here. Things that we take for granted back home have to be made a little more obvious over here. For example, on an entrance onto the freeway, there’s a sign saying “WRONG WAY! TURN BACK!” for anybody who tries to use it as an exit. My favourite was a drink-driving billboard. Accompanying a picture of a woman being breathalised is the caption: “A LITTLE BIT EMBARRASSING? A little bit over the limit? You bloody idiot.” Selina and Andy had to do a spot of shopping before we went home because it’s a proper student house where there’s no food but lots of tea, and next to the supermarket was a fast food joint called Hungry Jack’s. Andy explained to me that it was exactly the same as Burger King, same logo, same menu (they still have Whoppers), but it’s just that Australians compulsively have to be different.
They compulsively have to be different from one another as well. You have to have a different driving license for each state. Each state has a different license plate, so that they all try to outdo one another. If you kill somebody in one state, you can run away to another one and get away with it. Victoria itself is pretty bad, and it claims to have the biggest of a lot of things in the Southern Hemisphere. It says that it has the biggest casino in the Southern Hemisphere in the Crown complex, and the biggest university campus, in the Clayton Campus of Monash Uni (where Selina is at). They’re also building the tallest apartment block in the world here. It’s going to be 88 stories high. Apparently nobody here wants to live in apartments, though, because they all love their pools and barbies too much. The existing apartment blocks in this city are only half-full, so I don’t know what’s going to happen when this huge one is done.
The Victoria car license plates actually read "Victoria - the place to be." I'm really tempted to buy a mocked-up one from a souvenir shop, and alter it to stick on my door or wall when I get home, or even to Liverpool. I'll cross out "Victoria" and write "Scholars" instead.
In the afternoon, I watched an Aussie Rules footie match on television with Derek. Everybody here is insane. Maybe it’s the endless sunshine that does it.
